New Year, New Decade

New Year, New Decade

Photo by Ken Gascon

2019 started out with a trip to London and an interview at mtv, a stop in Brighton, then Richmond and Essex to see family. Followed by deciding to stay in France near my family, signing on to a job scheme, moving out, doing an internship at a radio station, and then moving out again and working at another radio station. 

The start of the year was complete pants if I'm honest, but I've accepted it as it was and can now look at where I am today and I feel eternally grateful. From a relationship ending, a friend passing away, my physical health not being at its best to my professional life that was far from perfect, I found it hard to imagine at the time of a better reality. Though it sounds cheesy, hindsight can be a flipping wonderful thing. I wouldn't have appreciated just how much better everything is now, and how quickly, even though it felt like forever, everything changed if I hadn't had the bad. Just before half of the year I moved out and had my own flat, started working again, celebrated my nephews first birthday in the sunshine, made new friends, worked at a festival and felt content again. It's no award, prize, pay check or job promotion, engagement ring or baby shower, but the fact I'm laughing and smiling again is just as valuable as any of that and for that this year feels like a huge achievement. 

And fast forward some more months, I moved out again, got offered a job position I really enjoy, worked at two festivals I'd never been to, interviewed artists and met a dj from one of my favourite US radio stations and started to do things again that I enjoy.

2019 is a spec in the last ten years but certainly one that stands out and will probably stick with me, and ends the decade for me with I guess what feels like a small sense of triumph. 

At the beginning of the decade, I'd just moved to France, upheaved a life in Scotland and started all over again. Friends, education, language, home. And in between I gained three French diplomas, became fluent in the language and lived in a bed and breakfast in the French countryside and met guests from all over the world. I made French friends, ate like the French, dreamt in French (really), partied like the French and drank like the French.

I started this blog. I travelled - Netherlands, France and the UK. I celebrated birthdays and 10 new years and 10 christmasses. I made new friends. We got a cat. I finished my studies in France, a relief. I moved to Liverpool to study for three years in communications and film studies. I made great friends and met incredible people. I worked in a cinema, a shop, my university and wrote this blog. I travelled to China, Germany, Italy, Spain, Denmark and saw more of France. I saw tons of bands, went to festivals and partied. I became a true Liverpool-local, and still know the city better than any other city. I came back home to France. I did an internship at Cannes Film Festival. I went to Madrid again. I became an aunty to a beautiful little boy. I've read hundreds of books, seen hundreds of films, contently spent many hours cozied up watching new tv shows, talked to hundreds of people, wandered art galleries, parks, museums, cathedrals, beaches and cities, danced and belted along to hundreds of songs, cried and laughed.

Looking back on 10 years feels quite momentous and albeit a little anxiety-inducing. Did I do enough? Did I achieve enough? Did I do my best? A whole decade. From ages 14 to 24. Teenager to adult. Moments of pure joy, excitement, amazement, discovery and bliss, other moments, tough, painful and difficult. I like to think the more life goes on the more I understand it, but actually I feel like I understand it less, none of it actually makes much sense, and not everything goes as you planned it but that's OK and is exactly why I feel more excited by it than anxious like I often was - though, still something I'm working on. I've felt more content than ever to let go of relationships and things that I'm better without, and ready to embrace all the new lovely things to come.

Here's to more surprises, unexpected moments, new opportunities, new countries and new foods, new books and new songs, new films and new friends, new art and a new year.

Here's to 2020 and here's to a new decade woooo.