38 Days Later

38 Days Later

Spring blossoms on a daily walk!

38 is the number of days I've been at home now 'self-isolating'/on lockdown/quarantining - whatever you want to call it or 'confinement' as the French say. Also well done if you got the play on words! If you didn't, 28 Days Later is a post-apocalyptic horror film by Danny Boyle featuring the gooorge Cillian Murphy who wakes up in a hospital and goes outside to discover London is completely deserted -  I highly recommend.

My version, 38 Days Later, involves 0 actual zombies but the state of the supermarkets in the first couple of weeks wasn't far off looking like a set from the film though. Currently, outside my window cars are still driving by, people are out enjoying the sun, on their own though, I should add. However, normality feels like it could be in the hopefully not so distant future?

I've kept up the same attitude since my last post, enjoying the little things and mostly avoiding the news only when necessary. I tuned in for the most recent speech from Emmanuel Macron who then announced a further lockdown till the 11th of May. It's funny how I'd been going days without thinking about the news and the severity of the illness, and one speech put my mind in a negative space. The reality of what's going on hit me all over again like it was news I was hearing for the first time. Selfishly, I also noticed my 25th birthday will be spent at home.

To be honest, I didn't have plans yet but they most likely wouldn't have involved staying indoors but here we are! I like being home anyway and if staying in saves lives then I'm happy to do that. There'll be cake and I've booked time off work so it's shaping up alright for a 25th birthday.

Work has been keeping me busy. I've been researching new music and interviewing an Italian artist who's stuck in America for her quarantine. I find it fascinating how everyone's experience with this will be so unique. You can read the interview (in French) here if you like. It reminded me of how nice it was to talk to a stranger and share stories. It made me realize one of the things I've loved the most about my job is talking to people and asking questions (I like to do this in general so as a job it feels like a bonus).

Other things I've done include: painting my nails, cutting my own hair (it happened), watching documentaries, going for walks, playing my Nintendo, reading my book, making several quiches (some good, some epic failures) doing a 'Houseparty' app call with my cousins and doing two easter egg hunts in my flat and proceeding quickly to eat all of the chocolate. I've vacuumed several times and it actually helps calm my mind a lot so there's an obvious wellness tip for you if you ever needed one.

I've also got very into meditation, to the point where, if I'm feeling rubbish, my first thought now is 'I need to meditate'. If you'd told me a year ago, that meditation would be so beneficial if I just gave it a go, I would have made an excuse or said I'll just 'get round to it'. I've finally started making the effort and I couldn't imagine going without it.

38 days later and the start of all of this feels like a lifetime ago. I'm slightly apprehensive about when life goes 'back to normal' - how will it feel to be in a crowd again? On a crowded commute? I think in a weird way, there will be parts I miss about being at home. I especially like not having any FOMO (fear of missing out), but I realise that's on me, and not on others. I'm learning to enjoy going by my own schedule and timetable, and if being at home suits me more than going out, or if I simply can't then I'm learning to be at peace with that. I sometimes like working from home, having everything I need around me, and the ability to roll out of bed! It's great that once I 'clock off', I'm already home.

I like that I'm now making time to do things I would make excuses for before. I'm excited again to learn, to be creative, and to cook! Can you believe that I chopped a ton of veg and made my first ever homemade soup of... my life?!

I'm not sure who I'm writing this for exactly, or who will enjoy it, but mostly I'm writing this for my future self. When I'm an oldie, and hopefully still know how to find this part of the internet, I can look back at this and show it to family and say "This is what happened when I was in my 20's!". 

The Film Club #11

The Film Club #11

Well, it's not like any of us are getting out to a cinema any time soon. Most of the films I was looking forward to seeing this year (The French Dispatch, No Time to Die, Tenet...) have all been postponed so I guess we'll just have to make do with the wonderful films that are already available.

Whilst stuck at home post-wisdom teeth op, I caught up on some films in my spare time. Here are some films I recommend...

Parasite (2019) by Bong Joon-ho

Ok ok, this is obvious and barely necessary of a mention. Everyone has heard about Parasite by now, right? On the off chance you haven't heard of it, it's bloody brilliant and that's all you need to know. I rented it on Google Play after seeing a bazillion tweets/article headers about the movie and eventually caved, I couldn't wait any longer! I read no reviews so nothing was spoiled beforehand. I was truly gripped from the first frame and felt like I was constantly being revealed surprises throughout, whilst the characters couldn't quite believe what was unfolding in front of them, neither could I. On very basic terms, it's a social satirical masterpiece about class and greed, where a poor family cons their away into and quickly infests, like a parasite, the lives of a very rich family. I recommend these articles (1, 2, 3) and this video about the film (to consume after viewing to avoid spoilers!). Parasite marked a pivotal moment in cinematic history as it was the first EVER non-English language film to win the Academy Award for Best Picture in history. A must-see!

1917 (2019) by Sam Mendes

I mainly wanted to go and see this because I knew Roger Deakins was the cinematographer behind it all and that it was shot in one take - or made to look like it as much as possible anyway. What's also really great about this movie is that it was co-written by a woman, Krysty Wilson-Cairns. Director, Sam Mendes wanted to honor his grandfather, Alfred Mendes, in 1917, who was a native of Trinidad and a messenger for the British on the Western Front. Mendes said that "it's important to remember they were fighting for a free and unified Europe and it's good to be reminded of that now". 1917 felt particularly unique amongst other war movies, mostly thanks to the way it was filmed - as you follow the two lead characters on their journey from the very first scene to the last. The camera felt very up close and really there was no way of escaping what was going on in front of you. An intense and captivating perspective of the first world war.

Midsommar (2019) by Ari Aster

Something very different here, but equally as intense as 1917. I can't say I really enjoyed Midsommar, maybe the better word is endured. Though beautifully shot, interesting and with brilliant acting from lead Florence Pugh, it just left me feeling a little uneasy. It's a horror film but set in broad daylight which makes it all the more eery. No jump scares, darkness or ghosts here but a very different kind of horror film. A young couple embarks on a 'trip' to a midsummer festival in a remote Swedish village. It all starts off as a nice, carefree summer holiday and looks pretty idyllic, however it takes a sinister turn when the insular villagers invite the guests to take part in certain festivities. Think The Wicker Man but even more confusing.

The Lighthouse (2019) by Robert Eggers

Cabin fever might be beginning to feel a little too familiar for us all, right? Maybe save this one for when you're out of isolation, so you don't feel more claustrophobic. Two lighthouse keepers, played by Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe, are stuck out on a remote and mysterious island in New England in the 1890s. They both struggle to maintain their sanity as they are confined together day in and day out on this island. For four weeks, the men face back-breaking work in miserable conditions with no one else for company but each other. They must endure one another's odd quirks and behaviors, resentment and hatred. In the unfortunate weather conditions, the two are forced to spend more time in hunger, agony and manic isolation with nothing but booze and telling old tales to keep them entertained. Visually this movie is a gorgeous, gothic horror sensation all shot in black and white, adding to the soulless atmosphere on the island with mad but brilliant performances from both actors.

The Farewell (2019) by Lulu Wang

It's not uncommon in Chinese culture, for example, to keep a loved one in the dark about an illness, like in The Farewell. The film tells the story of a Chinese family, who discover that their Grandmother has only a short while left to live. In order to get all the family together for one last time, they decide to schedule an impromptu wedding for a reunion. We meet Billi, a Chinese American, who quickly gets on the next flight from her home in New York back to her home country of China when she learns the news. However, she struggles to fit in with her family again and is against her family's decision to hide the truth from her grandmother. I really loved this film and thought it was a beautiful story about messy and loving big families, cultures and what home means.

The Irishman (2019) by Martin Scorsese

Lastly, The Irishman! How lucky are we to have a director well into his seventies still making movies like this, and at such a length too. This movie is a crazy 3 hours and 30 minutes long but I'll be honest I didn't feel like I'd been watching it that long. I've watched shorter movies that felt longer but this one keeps you entertained with no need to check the time. In short, it's set in the 1950s where we meet truck driver, Frank Sheeran (played by longtime Scorsese companion, Robert De Niro). He quickly gets involved with the Pennysylvania crime family and then goes on to work for Jimmy Hoffa, an American labor union leader and president of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters and is largely tied to organized crime. These are exactly the kind of stories Scorsese does best but Casino is still up there as my all time favourite of them all, soz. What I did find interesting though was the use of special effects to make certain actors look younger - you can find out more about this in the 20/30 minute follow up episode 'In Conversation' featuring the director and lead actors from the movie on Netflix. It's amazing what we can do with technology in film, but for me it felt out of place. Nevertheless, it was as expected flawlessly performed, with amazing costume design (another interesting video here) with a great soundtrack too.

What movies have you been loving lately?

What's Going On?

What's Going On?

Thanks to Marvin Gaye for sponsoring this post. But in all seriousness, his song title did inspire me about the current state of everything at the moment, what is going on? And if you're interested, for work I created a playlist, including said song, specifically for quarantining which you can check out on Spotify here. Yes, I have too much time on my hands.

Since the beginning of the year, I've been busy. Mostly enjoying myself, working at another festival, had my purse stolen though, done back-to-back interviews with musicians, had all four wisdom teeth removed (damn I wish I timed that better for a quarantine) oh and yeah, I'm quarantining and working from home, because of a global pandemic virus (?!?). There's a sentence I never thought I would use.

Let's rewind over a week first. I was at work, I'm currently working here if you're interested. My time has been taken up writing and doing a lot for that lately hence why this place has taken a back seat. Anyway, so my colleague came and told me that I would be working from home because France was about to go on 'lockdown'. Sounds like the opening to an episode of Black Mirror, doesn't it?

Then everything just happened very quickly, like going through one of those flick books and everything goes by in a fast blur, too fast to gather your emotions. We were told all schools would be shut, then an announcement on the weekend said all restaurants/bars, etc would be closed, then another announcement later to say we were not to leave our homes for anything other than necessities. And breathe.

I read something online saying that, if you've got anxiety, you already make up so many catastrophic scenarios in your head that when something like this happens you may surprisingly feel calm because you're constantly prepared for the worst. Initially, I didn't feel calm, I felt worried and imbalanced. Though my emotions have been coming and going in waves, I've come to an acceptance of it all, and feel calmer. Even though I found out that Glastonbury, the first time I would ever have attended for the 50th anniversary, had been canceled, I just accepted it. My friend that had planned to come and visit me had to have her flights canceled but I accepted it...well I had no other choice but to accept. I've also stopped bombarding myself with news whilst at home which has helped my state of mind.

These were just two minor things on the scale of things being canceled and delayed but the major 'thing' is the illness, the major thing is people losing their lives, jobs, homes, potentially, because of it. So how do we possibly stay sane in situations like this?

Hopefully, I don't come off as 'preachy' but it's gratitude. It's the only thing helping me get through this and has been helping me with everything lately. I read that it is impossible to feel negative and positive emotions at the same time so I try to swap all my anxieties and fears with gratitude. In a time where it feels so uncertain and everything is up in the air, you have to be grateful for where you are right now in this second, what you have (no matter how small) and who you have in your life. 

I hope a lot of other people are seeing it this way too. When something is so massive, concerning massive populations and countries and quite literally puts the majority of the world 'on hold', I see it as more than just a virus. At least, I'm trying to turn this horrible event, experience into something positive which could feel like an impossible task. I'm naturally a very reflective, deep-thinker which is both a blessing and a curse so of course all this free time has got me thinking a whole load more.

If I can I take something, anything, positive from the situation, I think it's reinforced for me what is truly important more than ever, what I can go without and what is just 'stuff'. It's showing me the power of community and humanity. I'm realising how connected everyone is, regardless of borders and imaginary walls. I'm realising how valuable time is. I'm feeling inspired to be creative with no agenda. I'm enjoying filling my time with good books, art, music, and film. I've been doing dancing lessons in my flat with my roommate. I've been trying new recipes and reading books. I've been meditating. I'm enjoying pretty boring, simple things. I've surprisingly been laughing a lot. I'm astounded at my own, and others, strength when world catastrophes like this happen. I'm also astounded at the number of idiots who have chosen to hoard toilet paper!

I've tried to keep up with the news but had to reduce due to it making me feel powerless, guilty and negative. I've come somewhat to a conclusion about how this all relates to the planet, humans, climate change. However, I think it's up to you to make up your own mind about why this has all happened, without my influence. Whatever happens, I hope that this event gives you time to truly pause and reflect. I hope it brings you out the other side more grateful, more present. I sort of hope that we'll go a little slower, take a little more care, be more accepting, less greedy and not be in a rush to return to our usual ways, the kind of ways that will make something like this happen again in our future.

In other (less breaking) news, referring back to one of my last posts, I'm happy to say I achieved a 'small' goal of moving into my own flat (silver linings!). Not my 'own' home yet, but I'm getting there. The photos in this post were taken today on a walk. Luckily exercise during the quarantine is allowed, and so is staring at and taking photos of beautiful spring flowers. 

I realise this was probably just a jumble of thoughts and probably best not written at 10pm at night, but too late.

Lastly, I want to put out my gratitude to my home, family, friends, health workers, anyone working hard right now, also to musicians, artists, writers, filmmakers and activists who make my life and this world a better place.